If you got irritated with the last episode’s hostile takeover of Japanese RPGs, don’t you worry– this week is thoroughly infested with European RPGs instead! Stephen and Bryan died (RIP) and went to their very specific version of heaven in Divinity: Original Sin, a video game made for them in every way. Risen 3 is the role-playing bird of prey with its talons hooked into Zachary, but the metaphor bird is not a parrot because pirates are out this time. Also, Bryan learned how to be a Shogun! That’s about all that happened this time, actually. It was a kind of boring episode.
The DV Cast talk about their dreams this week. Not their hopes or ambitions, mind you, but those weird hallucinations they all get when unconscious for the night. These visions involve cowboys, fractured bones, and GameCubes that hold souls of the dead within. Speaking of unsettling glances into the minds of the podcasters, Bryan and Zachary have been playing an online game of Civilization V with new friend Parker. He won’t be a new friend for long, unfortunately, as Bryan is a warmongering madman who bathes in blood and brushes his teeth with tears of the innocent. Stephen would be crushed beneath his world-spanning heel as well were it not for World of Warcraft sucking him under the tides of darkness and into the fishy seascapes of Vashj’ir wherein he rides seahorses all day and all night. (This might also be a dream…?) After an update on the Whales are Whales Minecraft server, Bryan rudely yells over Stephen’s exciting news and storms out, leaving his brother and Zachary to finish up by themselves. A silly conversation about Sonic Jump Fever evolves into a solemn perspective on today’s youth, so there’s that.
Stephen and Bryan were clowning around downtown when a comedy of errors led them straight into car accident, garnering concern from the noble Zachary and an uncalled-for The Last of Us jab from Cameron. But hey, not the minor destruction of a vehicle is nothing compared to having no legal way of playing GBA games, so it’s a good thing that Joel-bashing aforementioned fool can commiserate with GameCube classics, including Luigi’s Mansion, Metroid Prime, and maybe Cubivore? Oh, but gentle sir or gentle madame, the commiseration does not end there, for Zach is now a fellow MMO guy– DPS, tanking, the whole nine yards. It’s just a shame he can’t expand his horizons to Minecraft, which now has an official Whales are Whales server (invite-only for now, sorry masses of fans) that the remaining DV Cast members have been plumbing for adventure and lava. Um… it’s hard to think up endings to these descriptions, but who really cares, nobody reads them.
From the parting mists steps a man, sallow eyes lit by the neon glow of a hundred distant city lights like a bowl of souls catching fire. He’s been to Hell and back, this man, and pain trails him in the night.
“Transistor,” the man they call Cameron whispers through the dark, “isn’t as good as Bastion.”
Well, Stephen “Never Shuts Up” Kelly has a more optimistic appraisal of the situation, and he gingerly attempts to step around the spoilers for Bryan’s sake. To further disillusion Cameron, Dark Souls 2 has bested him and nobody wants to play Titanfall; they’d rather talk in-depth about TV’s Arrow and its distinctly non-Marvel take on superheroes. This bores Cameron, as does brand new segment Stephen’s Haphazard Video Game Reviews… Yeah, which invites listeners and a rinky-dink tale of Sonic Advanced and a little bit of pinball. After all of these difficult times, it’s a wonder that Cameron wants to extend the podcast past its usual hour mark to discuss the nature of action adventure games and whether or not that genre actually makes any sense.
Welcome to the first episode of Here’s the Scoob, a podcast dedicated to keeping you in the groove with everyone’s, like, favorite mystery-solving gang. The new Scooby-Doo cartoon gets points for complex character growth and demerits for use of cell phones, but the high jinks eventually (and inevitably) drift into JRPG territory thanks to Tales of Symphonia and Tales of Everything Else. Without Cameron there to implement draconian anti-WoW policies, western RPGs get some room to breath as well– oh, and Kirby eats multiple trains in Kirby Triple Deluxe, did you know that? It’s very cool.
If you’re in the niche category of people who play video games, watch movies, or eat food, then your needs will be well served during this episode Disembodied Voices. Stephen just finished an idyllic romp through Kirby: Triple Deluxe and Adventure Time Season 2, leaving him in a cloud of smiling butterflies that won’t last forever. Several superhero shows (including The West Wing) are suggested to fill the gap of exciting television drama, but Bryan’s only solution for gaming is World of Warcraft because power leveling to 90 is all-consuming. Not to be out-all-consumed, Zachary has devoted his life once again to a JRPG; his newest fancy is Grandia III, a PS2 classic that has been stealthy hanging out on his shelf for years. So then, dear listener, you are invited to stealthily hang out on the shelf of Disembodied Voices by listening in without the express knowledge of the panelists!
Panelist Cameron Nutter is no longer voiced by David Hayter, which wouldn’t be so bad if Disembodied Voices didn’t sell out and hire Tara Strong for the role of Bryan. All of these voice actor woes make the iffy changes of Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes seem like the smallest of potatoes, despite the fact that it facilitates an enormous conversation rife with controversy, conspiracy, and some other enticingly alliterate word. Less infamous and yet vastly more InFamous is PS4 blockbuster InFamous: Second Son, winning over Zachary’s embittered anti-Cole mindset. All of this cutting edge technology puts Stephen in the mood to play Sonic the Hedgehog 3 (BLAST PROCESSING) and makes Bryan want to play Hearthstone (because everything makes Bryan want to play Hearthstone). Crazy Taxi is also yelled about, so good on that.
Zachary may have lost his job, but one thing he will never lose is the will to Dark Souls. He leads the group in discussion about this transcendent experience and its uncanny ability to cause those who gaze upon its ebony night-colored glory to weep with tears of despair, and of joy, and of fury. Cameron’s crying days are over, however, as is his fanatic loyalty to My Little Pony, which spawns the second most in-depth conversation of this particular episode. While emotions are high, why not remember Remember Me, a game that everyone is yelling about and yet nobody really knows what to think? At least the DV Cast understands Titanfall, even if it’s accidentally insulted it a lot without being offered proper defense or even a lousy trial. Speaking of subjects relevant to Cameron, you don’t want to miss brand new segment Cameron’s News Alert, during which Cameron alerts us of news relevant to him! Afterwards, um… Waluigi happens. Or something.
You may remember the long-harbored Disembodied Voices contention that surfaces once in a blue moon, but this time Cameron has stolen the entire stash for himself and is throwing it at Bryan! And who can blame him? Constructing bridges in the self-explanatory Bridge Constructor and watching hundreds of people perish because of your own uncontrollable hubris would put anyone in a foul mood, as would the stinky final boss from Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze, which drove Stephen and Bryan bananas. Actually, Zachary’s had a rough time as well with the trying trials of Dark Souls, even though the experience has ultimately made him a wiser, stronger, happier person. It’s a good thing RPGs like Bravely Default, Knights of the Old Republic II, and World of Warcraft exist to calm everyone down and fill them with the inner warmth of predictable combat encounters. If you, too, take these values to heart, then please join the DV Cast in an audio adventure you will never forget for at least a day.
And don’t forget about Whales are Whales, the fun-filled network that Disembodied Voices calls home!
The DV Cast is ready to roll… the dice! Because this episode is about randomness in game design! Which includes dice! Or a die if you’re working with the singular use! Spelunky and Hearthstone, games that Stephen simultaneously wants to high five and slap in the head, make their own arguments for the great game of chance, but StarCraft Time represents the merits of unyielding uniformity in the face of uneven odds. Cameron becomes a storyteller in the first ever segment Nutter Family History, venturing into the mythical Corn Palace before heading back to Lowrule for some controversial opinions. Bryan, in the meantime, becomes unpopular for having a good time. Speaking of having good times and being unpopular, this episode of Disembodied Voices is ready to roll… the dice! (The joke is funny enough to use twice.)